A Simple Gesture of Hello

To have a successful relationship with anyone, whether they be a significant other, spouse, employer, co-worker or a friend, a certain amount of effort has to be put into the relationship by both parties involved. Whether the relationship is

1. a simple gesture of hello from one stranger to another
2. a casual link with someone you like more than others
3. a friendship between two people
4. a meaningful but platonic bond
5. a meaningful and romantic bond
   
   The success is up to the understanding of the effort each would like to experience from the other.

The amount of effort one puts in, might be a guide to what you might get back.
Or it might not!

I stated in a previous post that relationships take many forms. Starting with a simple wave of hello to a stranger, on to a casual conversation between two friends, associates or co-workers, stepping it up to a meaningful relationship between two people who care for each other and then topping out at a mutual bond with a certain commitment between the two to each other. A "mutual bond" might have several different levels or types such as that of a platonic relationship or one that is romantic. There is of course a "meaningful business relationship" as well which I think I might cover in another post.

Let me start with a simple gesture of hello. Have you ever walked by someone and said hello to them, only to receive back a cold stare? What did you feel? What did you think of the person staring? Now weigh the feeling that you get when the person smiles and says hello back. It generally happens so fast that you don't even think about it but the satisfaction felt is the basic foundation of a relationship. It could go either way at the very beginning. But the emotion you feel is pleasureful when you receive a positive response back. And an emptiness when you don't. The give and take of this sort of relationship is the action of simply saying hello to each other.

A casual link between two people may be due to a membership, or mutual association with other people both people have in common or is the result of some other sort of commonality. Usually a similar view on certain subjects, mutual friends in common or a membership of some sort like that on Facebook. It's generally not a life long relationship and ends when the people are no longer associated with the common interests that got them together in the first place. Very often, a casual link is misinterpreted to be a friendship. But truthfully, one usually has many, many casual links throughout their lifetime but only a handful of true friends. The give and take in this sort of relationship involves several areas. It can be the knowledge offered by one to the other, it can be the sharing of information, or a way to meet other people or even to acquire certain material things. It is generally very informal with no particular bond or agreement to remain "linked" with one another. But the result of the efforts put into the relationship should be at the very least, gratifying.

And then whether stemming from the first "simple gesture of hello" or a "casual link", might eventually come a friendship between two people. This type of relationship can be life long whether the two see or talk to each other daily, once a year or not in years. True friendship relationships develop over time but once the bond is created, and the relationship is built on trust, the bond should be taken very seriously by the two. And if the bond is broken, both parties will feel the pain and sorrow of loosing the other regardless of the reason the relationship ended. And when it ends, a period of mistrust is experienced, and is sometimes difficult to either rebuild that relationship, or enter into another trusting one for some time. Friends call upon each other when in need of help and will offer help to each other willingly and without hesitation. Whether it involves physical labor, a financial involvement, or the sharing of ones possessions. The efforts that are conveyed are the stimulus for the relationship and though the relationship might have ups and downs, the pleasure one feels by having the other as a friend, should outweigh any down side.

Very often, we might have a BF or best friend that we consider very special. It is the result of a meaningful but platonic bond. Each is a confidant to each other with personal information, an adviser about each others love life and someone to talk with about just about anything. To be considered anyone's "best friend" should be taken seriously. It can be between a man and a woman, two women or two men. The efforts put forth in this sort of relationship might be fairly diverse and will be gender specific in nature. But the height to which the relationship grows WILL be based on what extent each can DEPEND on the other.

And then comes the relationship for lovers which I have named in this post as a meaningful and romantic bond. It generally begins as a platonic bond and gradually develops into one that adds additional rules, expectations, activities and awareness of the others likes and dislikes.

In some cases, it might bypass all the other stages of relationship described here and become meaningful immediately following the mutual hello. But not often. And one must believe in "Love At First Sight" in order for it to happen that quickly.

More commonly, it starts with a "simple gesture of hello" and moves completely through the levels of relationship until a certain commitment between the two people is made. The commitment is the hard part for some because it is accepting the rules and expectations that the two agree on and to forgo all others romantically as well as sexually.

To get to this point, and be successful in maintaining this level of relationship takes a lot of effort on the two involved. It means being involved in each others life, family, children, friends, job or business. Whether to just be there for each other during rough periods, or to be there to celebrate the good things that would more than not affect them both in some fashion. To be an extension of the other. To become a "We" rather than an "I".

One of the hardest parts in today's society is to allow the "We" to be, without loosing one's independence or individuality. One would hope that the "We" that is created is one where each of the personalities compliment each other. They don't need to be, and probably shouldn't be identical. But certainly should be compatible. This is where (of course not the only reason) I think many people fail to find their soul mate. The individual is so busy trying to find someone "just like themselves". But when, or if they do, they become bored because there are no new ideas, thoughts or aspects of the other that each has yet to experience.

I believe that the amount of effort, thought and desire that each put into the relationship will be the determining factor of how the relationship will endure. In other words, if one is always doing for, thinking of or responding to the other but the other is not, then guess what, the relationship is doomed unless there is good and temporary reason for it to be only one sided.

Unless of course the two of you are into a "passive/submissive" type of lifestyle. But I'll leave that for another post.

The amount of pleasure that both receive from the other, WILL be directly dependent on the amount of effort each puts into the relationship. If you truly want to have a meaningful and romantic relationship, the two must:

1. Acknowledge and accept each others desire to do so. (Communication is the key!)
2. Accept and become part of each others life, circle of friends, family and business associates.
3. Do things for each other! Important one here. Its the small things that can make all the difference.
4. Surprise each other.
5. Keep the relationship static rather than stale.
   
6. Become involved with each others desires and goals and help each other with a project, or the others kids. And allow the other to do so and be there for each other!
7. Don't EXPECT a thing, but ACCEPT anything that the other put thought into making happen.
8. Don't try and change a thing about the other. If there is anything that needs changing in your eyes, they might not be the one you should be with. You should be happy with who each are before you make the commitment TO EACH OTHER!
   
9. MAKE time to spend together! A really big one here. Don't keep putting quality time off. This is a lesson that I learned over the years and is best represented in Tim McGraw's "Live Like You Are Dieing".
10. Tell each other how much you care for each other. Every day! Along with showing each other. This is best represented by Garth Brook's "If Tomorrow Never Comes".

I'm not an expert in relationships. God knows I've failed in the past. But from my failures, I've gained insight and knowledge. There is no magic formula. With all the books about relationships written by professors, doctors and other writers with degrees in various areas, I truly believe that all the trees it took to write the thousands of books, containing yet hundreds of pages on the subject could have been saved. It really comes down to an understanding of the basic fundamentals of the The Golden Rule and simple common sense. If two people are interested in one another, regardless of the extent of involvement they intend to have, treat the other as you would like to be treated yourself. Be honest with each other. Show respect to the other. Don't be hurtful. Even if you you're "just kidding". It may not be taken the way you think. And frankly is a representation of your own asininity and level of maturity. What do you think?