A Simple Gesture of Hello

To have a successful relationship with anyone, whether they be a significant other, spouse, employer, co-worker or a friend, a certain amount of effort has to be put into the relationship by both parties involved. Whether the relationship is

1. a simple gesture of hello from one stranger to another
2. a casual link with someone you like more than others
3. a friendship between two people
4. a meaningful but platonic bond
5. a meaningful and romantic bond
   
   The success is up to the understanding of the effort each would like to experience from the other.

The amount of effort one puts in, might be a guide to what you might get back.
Or it might not!

I stated in a previous post that relationships take many forms. Starting with a simple wave of hello to a stranger, on to a casual conversation between two friends, associates or co-workers, stepping it up to a meaningful relationship between two people who care for each other and then topping out at a mutual bond with a certain commitment between the two to each other. A "mutual bond" might have several different levels or types such as that of a platonic relationship or one that is romantic. There is of course a "meaningful business relationship" as well which I think I might cover in another post.

Let me start with a simple gesture of hello. Have you ever walked by someone and said hello to them, only to receive back a cold stare? What did you feel? What did you think of the person staring? Now weigh the feeling that you get when the person smiles and says hello back. It generally happens so fast that you don't even think about it but the satisfaction felt is the basic foundation of a relationship. It could go either way at the very beginning. But the emotion you feel is pleasureful when you receive a positive response back. And an emptiness when you don't. The give and take of this sort of relationship is the action of simply saying hello to each other.

A casual link between two people may be due to a membership, or mutual association with other people both people have in common or is the result of some other sort of commonality. Usually a similar view on certain subjects, mutual friends in common or a membership of some sort like that on Facebook. It's generally not a life long relationship and ends when the people are no longer associated with the common interests that got them together in the first place. Very often, a casual link is misinterpreted to be a friendship. But truthfully, one usually has many, many casual links throughout their lifetime but only a handful of true friends. The give and take in this sort of relationship involves several areas. It can be the knowledge offered by one to the other, it can be the sharing of information, or a way to meet other people or even to acquire certain material things. It is generally very informal with no particular bond or agreement to remain "linked" with one another. But the result of the efforts put into the relationship should be at the very least, gratifying.

And then whether stemming from the first "simple gesture of hello" or a "casual link", might eventually come a friendship between two people. This type of relationship can be life long whether the two see or talk to each other daily, once a year or not in years. True friendship relationships develop over time but once the bond is created, and the relationship is built on trust, the bond should be taken very seriously by the two. And if the bond is broken, both parties will feel the pain and sorrow of loosing the other regardless of the reason the relationship ended. And when it ends, a period of mistrust is experienced, and is sometimes difficult to either rebuild that relationship, or enter into another trusting one for some time. Friends call upon each other when in need of help and will offer help to each other willingly and without hesitation. Whether it involves physical labor, a financial involvement, or the sharing of ones possessions. The efforts that are conveyed are the stimulus for the relationship and though the relationship might have ups and downs, the pleasure one feels by having the other as a friend, should outweigh any down side.

Very often, we might have a BF or best friend that we consider very special. It is the result of a meaningful but platonic bond. Each is a confidant to each other with personal information, an adviser about each others love life and someone to talk with about just about anything. To be considered anyone's "best friend" should be taken seriously. It can be between a man and a woman, two women or two men. The efforts put forth in this sort of relationship might be fairly diverse and will be gender specific in nature. But the height to which the relationship grows WILL be based on what extent each can DEPEND on the other.

And then comes the relationship for lovers which I have named in this post as a meaningful and romantic bond. It generally begins as a platonic bond and gradually develops into one that adds additional rules, expectations, activities and awareness of the others likes and dislikes.

In some cases, it might bypass all the other stages of relationship described here and become meaningful immediately following the mutual hello. But not often. And one must believe in "Love At First Sight" in order for it to happen that quickly.

More commonly, it starts with a "simple gesture of hello" and moves completely through the levels of relationship until a certain commitment between the two people is made. The commitment is the hard part for some because it is accepting the rules and expectations that the two agree on and to forgo all others romantically as well as sexually.

To get to this point, and be successful in maintaining this level of relationship takes a lot of effort on the two involved. It means being involved in each others life, family, children, friends, job or business. Whether to just be there for each other during rough periods, or to be there to celebrate the good things that would more than not affect them both in some fashion. To be an extension of the other. To become a "We" rather than an "I".

One of the hardest parts in today's society is to allow the "We" to be, without loosing one's independence or individuality. One would hope that the "We" that is created is one where each of the personalities compliment each other. They don't need to be, and probably shouldn't be identical. But certainly should be compatible. This is where (of course not the only reason) I think many people fail to find their soul mate. The individual is so busy trying to find someone "just like themselves". But when, or if they do, they become bored because there are no new ideas, thoughts or aspects of the other that each has yet to experience.

I believe that the amount of effort, thought and desire that each put into the relationship will be the determining factor of how the relationship will endure. In other words, if one is always doing for, thinking of or responding to the other but the other is not, then guess what, the relationship is doomed unless there is good and temporary reason for it to be only one sided.

Unless of course the two of you are into a "passive/submissive" type of lifestyle. But I'll leave that for another post.

The amount of pleasure that both receive from the other, WILL be directly dependent on the amount of effort each puts into the relationship. If you truly want to have a meaningful and romantic relationship, the two must:

1. Acknowledge and accept each others desire to do so. (Communication is the key!)
2. Accept and become part of each others life, circle of friends, family and business associates.
3. Do things for each other! Important one here. Its the small things that can make all the difference.
4. Surprise each other.
5. Keep the relationship static rather than stale.
   
6. Become involved with each others desires and goals and help each other with a project, or the others kids. And allow the other to do so and be there for each other!
7. Don't EXPECT a thing, but ACCEPT anything that the other put thought into making happen.
8. Don't try and change a thing about the other. If there is anything that needs changing in your eyes, they might not be the one you should be with. You should be happy with who each are before you make the commitment TO EACH OTHER!
   
9. MAKE time to spend together! A really big one here. Don't keep putting quality time off. This is a lesson that I learned over the years and is best represented in Tim McGraw's "Live Like You Are Dieing".
10. Tell each other how much you care for each other. Every day! Along with showing each other. This is best represented by Garth Brook's "If Tomorrow Never Comes".

I'm not an expert in relationships. God knows I've failed in the past. But from my failures, I've gained insight and knowledge. There is no magic formula. With all the books about relationships written by professors, doctors and other writers with degrees in various areas, I truly believe that all the trees it took to write the thousands of books, containing yet hundreds of pages on the subject could have been saved. It really comes down to an understanding of the basic fundamentals of the The Golden Rule and simple common sense. If two people are interested in one another, regardless of the extent of involvement they intend to have, treat the other as you would like to be treated yourself. Be honest with each other. Show respect to the other. Don't be hurtful. Even if you you're "just kidding". It may not be taken the way you think. And frankly is a representation of your own asininity and level of maturity. What do you think?

Dust To Dust

I had an interesting conversation with someone today, that inspired me to ponder whether my current belief, toward the material things that I've acquired, purchased, been given, or inherited, is prudent or frivolous.

I grew up being taught to appreciate all that you have and work hard to keep it. The monetary value of the object is not necessarily the most important factor when the time comes to dispose of it. Some things, whether expensive or not, may have an entirely different value associated with it than that of the almighty dollar. In fact, some things might be priceless to one, and valueless to another. And if it's yours, appreciate it for whatever value it represents to you.

But now, at a crossroads in my life, where I have more material items than I have need for, and no siblings or no one left that would appreciate them as I do, the question was raised as "Why not just get rid of them?" I started making excuses for the reasons, such as, well that used to be my fathers, or I have sweat equity in it that can't be valued or some other emotional attachment. All were my reasons for "storing" these items in a house that's bigger than I need or can easily afford. And wouldn't need the house other than for the items I have accumulated over the years.

I have been accused of being a pack rat by some,
but I don't think it's quite that bad.

The point that was being made during this conversation was simple. I am the only one that cares anything about those "materialistic possessions". When your dead, no one will remember the reasons you kept it. And they will only be burdened with disposing of the items. And after several years, no one will probably remember you. So why not dispose of the items now and live the rest of your life in simplicity and in a non-materialistic fashion.

The Zac Brown Band song was brought up to add to the imagery of the type of simplistic life style being described. Without making mention of that song, you might think I was pondering becoming a Monk. Rest assured, there's no Monk style in my future. But I have to tell you, I was caught at maybe a weak moment and pondered the possibility of reversing my life long quest at acquiring the "things" I like, for instead making my new life's goal to be one placing me on a beach, sitting in the sun with my feet in the water and my butt in the sand! And get rid of everything that I have bought, packed, moved and stared at, that has any emotional attachment to me. And live only with the memories in my mind and heart.

Ummm. Memories that exist in my mind and heart. They can't be destroyed or taken away, or sold or given and it would seem that they would be closer to me at all times without the burden of moving them, dusting them off or making room for them. That seems very practical. Now that's not saying the things I use everyday or even once in awhile would be part of this concept. Obviously some things are part of me rather than an attachment to someone else who existed for a period of time in my life but no longer exists. Those items should remain until I deem them no longer necessary.

It says in the Bible that you come into this life with nothing and you should leave this life with nothing. Dust to Dust. And that started making a lot of sense to me. But I think I'd like to change the image that Dust to Dust presents by saying "Sand to Sand" instead. What do you think?

Patience Is A Virtue

As I get older (and older, and older), I realize that my patience has become shorter (and shorter, and shorter). My father once said to me that "of all things he could credit me for, perseverance was my best virtue." That may have been true then (some 10+ years ago) but with perseverance exists patience. I have come to realize that my patience level has dwindled to almost zero. Hence, my fathers credit has also suffered. I always used to say that "good things come to those who are patient". But as time goes by (and by, and by) I'm still waiting.

Yea Yea, sounds like the same old whoa is me post. But truthfully, this post is about losing patience, not about what didn't happen when expected.

Things that I remember not bothering me in the past, absolutely drive me crazy now.

1. The government and the criminal cronies that make the decisions.
2. Inmates
3. Liars
4. Cheaters
5. People who take pride at getting over on others.
6. Thieves (This one might be covered by inmates or might just refer to someone that has yet to be locked up)
7. People who promise to do something and than conveniently "forget" to do it.
8. People who won't commit to do something that they say they want to do.
9. Wait... I'll think of another one to put here. CRS
   
10. ME! I have very little patience left, and piss myself off often because I "INCONVENIENTLY" truly forget (CRS) words, birthdays, people's names, the fact that people aren't perfect and I now find myself jumping the gun when I should have been patient and waited.
    

No More Mr. Nice Guy!

That's right. It doesn't pay to be nice. Just when you think you're gaining on being able to trust again, BAM! You get your face slammed to the mat! The Golden Rule is dead in today's world and it's time I move into the 21st Century. More on this later!!!

The new Golden Rule is "Do to Others BEFORE they do to you!"

Advice for the day......
Don't let down your guard. Don't turn your back. Don't rely on the code of morals to be the code for all. Don't give respect until you receive it and then be cautious.

Times Have Changed Us All

I believe that those of us having survived divorce, have been truly left with little hope of finding their true love. After all, when you marry, you hopefully felt that you married the one person that, as Reba says, you can't live without. But then you divorce and find that you can. Leaving you to believe that you really don't know who the love your life really is even if he or she was standing right in front of you. Certainly if you've survived, you might no longer have the energy or fortitude to pursue the one that might just be the right one.

When someone comes along that reignites a long lost feeling, you might not recognize it for what it is. In fact it might scare the hell out of you and make you run away from it. Only to find that you made yet another mistake in your quest for a soul mate. On the flip side, falling for the wrong person can be as emotionally and sometimes, physically devastating.

My advice, which isn't worth the flat screen this blog is being read from, is to follow your heart but use your head. Be careful with who you date, be careful to leave sex out of the picture until there is a serious on-going relationship. Don't make a mistake here it can lead to a very bad result. Be honest with each other at all cost! Don't cheat while in any level of a relationship! Don't make excuses for your lack of interest. Tell him or her straight out as soon as possible that you're not interested. Regardless of whether you might hurt the person. But if you are interested, make sure you let him or her know that as well. And to what degree NO ONE can read minds and wrong impressions are easily formulated when the interest or lack of interest is left to question. But most of all, don't be afraid to present yourself as the person you are. No false fronts or representations, just to attract someone. Be true to yourself, your feelings and your heart. If Mr. or Ms. Right is out there, you'll find each other. If not, be comfortable with yourself and who you are. Regardless of your past.

Make everyday better than yesterday and let your dreams of tomorrow become reality today.

Premium Ecigarettes