Dating vs. Relationship

I've often wondered what it is that determines whether two people are just "dating", or if the two consider themselves to be in a so called "relationship". Now assuming that the two are not playing the field and only have time to see each other when possible, is it determined based on the number of dates? Is it the duration of the time that has passed since the first date? Or is it not time relevant at all?

If the time element, is excluded, one theory might be that the two are considered in a relationship, as long as the two want to be considered a couple and both agree to enjoy and experience each other fully. Regardless of the number of dates or days. On the other hand, if there is no spark, or strong enough desire to MAKE time to spend quality time with each other, or to consider each other to be that special someone in their life, be it "boy friend" or "girl friend", or "main squeeze" or whatever other name one might use,  if one is not ready to put the other at least in their Top 5 importance list, (which incidentally, the order may vary from time to time and also be dependent on the things in your own particular life that are important which you actually may have to juggle a bit)

1. Family or Kids
2. Job
3. Yourself
4. Relationship
5. Other fun

and the other is, then don't commit. And make it clear up front to the other. Because the longer you wait, the one that wants to be, faces the inevitable hurt that goes with rejection if the status never turns into a "relationship".

The one that is ready, will tend to do whatever possible in order to win the heart of the other, and convince him or her that they belong together. While the other sits back and enjoys the attention without considering the impact that non-reciprocation has on the other. As time goes on, the one that is receiving the attention, will eventually feel complacent with the attention being received and not feel any reason to change the status from "dating" to being in a "relationship". And eventually, if the the giver of the attention is smart, will realize that he or she is just barking up the wrong tree and stop doing anything extra. Hence, returning to either just dating, or not seeing each other at all. Generally, depending on how far the giver went before realizing that he or she was wasting precious time and money on the other, and how angry one might get at themselves for doing so.

A more simplified theory might place limitations on what each might expect from the other. Such as, if the two are simply dating, then the only real responsibility of one to the other is who pays for the date. Of course in today's society, it would generally be the man. At least in my world. But in some circles, it would be the one who initiates the "date".

That being said, then, if the two are not in a relationship, neither should expect anything more than what occurs on the date. There would be no reason to communicate personal problems to the other or become involved in the others life, or the desire to give special gifts because when you are just "dating", your soul purpose is to have fun during the date. When the date is over, you go about your day to day without any further thought of the other, until perhaps another date is planned.

Now, if the two have decided that they want to commit to each other for some unknown period of time, then you might consider the two to be in a relationship and the two should surely be capable of providing all that the other expects. That which would be expected, might not be crystal clear before the commitment is made. But regardless of whatever one expects from the other, a relationship takes work. It is the foundation for a future together and should be taken seriously. Each should certainly put equal effort into pleasing the other in whatever form each might want, expect or feel comfortable doing for or accepting from each other. In no way should it be only one sided. Thinking only of yourself would leave the other with an empty feeling.

Remember also, that if you've been single for a while, are independent and only have had yourself to consider, you may require some behavioral modification. It would no longer only be about you. You will have to re-learn how to think in terms of a partnership or "We" instead of thinking in terms of "Me" or "I". Because the other would certainly want to be considered when making plans. No matter whether those plans might be long term or day to day. Not considering the others feelings, or schedule, will surely doom the relationship very quickly.

That doesn't mean you have to give up being yourself. Remember that the attraction that one has for the other, has to do with the person you are. Changing your sole just to be in a relationship is sure failure as well. Especially as we get older and we are for the most part, complete individuals that have already experienced life's ups and downs. Those who may read this, that are still young, unmarried or never having loved, will most likely change with age. Their soul may not be fully developed. They have not experienced heartbreak or death, or loss. And as these natural events occur during your life, you tend to change your initial attitude about yourself. Which is why some relationships that started at a young age, fail later in life. (I'll save this topic for a future post)

Probably the most important thing that I have learned however, is that no matter what, you can't make someone love you or force them to become the other half of a relationship. Even if one's feeling for the other is true, unrequited love from the heart. If the other doesn't feel the same, you are probably wasting your time, money, self respect and most importantly, your emotional energy while seemingly trying to convince the other that they should love you back. Just because you think they are the new love of your life, or even the first, does not guarantee they will consider you in the same light. The feeling should be a powerfully natural and mutually gratifying feeling by both, toward each other. Not one's self.

As mentioned in a previous post, if you've been divorced, or were in a serious loving relationship and survived the break up, you should have realized that you can live without the person you might have thought was the love of your life. If that relationship failed, so be it. Move on and continue to try and find your real soul mate. Not having someone to love, is simply a lonely existence. Not a life. Loving someone who does not love you back is a waste of your own heart and soul and the realization might be one of the hardest things to accept. Don't let it hold you hostage. Get over it and move on.

 If you are not prepared to enter into a relationship with an open heart and mind, forsaking all who have previously hurt you, or that you have loved and lost, then don't until you are willing to release the past. But if you are ready, willing and able, do it with a fervor that is from your soul. Hold nothing back and don't fear the future. Embrace it, embellish it and enjoy your life with the one who loves you. And love them back like you never thought you could again.