Some many years ago, more than I care to even consider have passed, I was working in a furniture store. It was a very large warehouse with tall ceilings, lots of furniture and a noisy HVAC system.
An extremely attractive woman walked in the store, and though several of the sales team attempted to accost her, I did not. I simply let her browse the store, staying within ear and eyeshot away so that when she had a question, I'd be right there. I noticed that she almost teasingly kept looking at me out of the corner of her eye. As she roamed the store, she sat down on several pieces of furniture. Each time looking around to see if anyone, especially me I think was watching. She was wearing a very tight fitting stretch mini-skirt that even while standing hardly covered everything. And when she sat down, there in plain view was V-nice. She did this several times. Each time giving me a show. Now more than teasingly, it was temptingly. Well being the professional I am, I just smiled and watched as she went from couch to chair to love seat to hassock. Each and every time positioning herself provocatively, making sure I was watching.
Finally, having difficulty in watching her much longer, I went over to her and asked if I could help her find something. With that the HVAC system kicked on at the same time she was saying "I Want to F*CK you! I must have had a puzzled look on my face because she said it again. This time grabbing my arm. Each time I was barely able to hear her so I read her lips. The wise thing to do for a deaf man. Well this last time, she actually grabbed the lapels of my jacket and said it again without turning her head and staring directly into my eyes. This time I caught the entire sentence by lip reading and smiled at her and as the HVAC system quietly shut down, I said "I'm sorry but we don't have any Futons".
Well now the woman had the puzzled look on her face and then said, "you don't know what you're missing either!" And stormed out of the store.
My boss came over to me and asked what I said to make the woman leave so abruptly. And I replied, "We don't have any Futons" and suggested that he maybe should order some in. With that, he began to laugh hysterically. I couldn't figure out why. And then he told me what she had actually said.
I was flabbergasted! to say the least. The moral of the story is that the woman had no morals if all she wanted to do was have sex with me on a Futon!
(c)10/28/09 JJ Willams
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Three Strikes Your Out
First let me preface this post by saying the comments in this post are based strictly on here say and are in no way directed to anyone in particular. They will however be recognized by those who are guilty. That being said, this post is sort of response to a post found on my good friend Traci's blog. Please read her post before reading mine.
I would like to start by saying I am in total agreement with each and every statement she makes and pride myself at being one that practices the simple gestures she describes. What she doesn't state on her blog is how, even if he is a perfect gentleman, no matter how hard the man tries to win her heart, he will not stand a chance if his outward appearance, fails to meet the physical criteria by which the woman is attracted to. So there lies a fallacy of "How To Attract A Southern Girl".
And here are a few ways that a man will know she is blowing him off.
As this is a response to Traci's post, I think I would like to state what a man might want from a woman if she is interested in him. Remember that the ten responses below, assume that the man is a gentleman who possesses a strong character and respect for women. He is not the run of the mill player. There's a whole other set of rules for those men. Probably a good follow up post to this one. Let me know in a comment if you'd like my opinion on the "Men Who Hunt In Bars"
I would like to start by saying I am in total agreement with each and every statement she makes and pride myself at being one that practices the simple gestures she describes. What she doesn't state on her blog is how, even if he is a perfect gentleman, no matter how hard the man tries to win her heart, he will not stand a chance if his outward appearance, fails to meet the physical criteria by which the woman is attracted to. So there lies a fallacy of "How To Attract A Southern Girl".
And here are a few ways that a man will know she is blowing him off.
Strike One: She gives the man wooing her, the "Turned Cheek Kiss and Half Hug" as if she were an Aunt or a Sister saying goodbye to a family member.Now there might be other types of strikes and the man has to read what they are at that time. The confusing part to us men is that the level of interest the woman might have in the man might not be obvious. One might have to read a little between the lines. Or listen very carefully. One thing I've heard though, is that when the man stops wooing the woman, the woman tends to want to keep the game going. Trying to lead the man to believe that a chance still exists. But after the man experiences Three Strikes, he should be smart enough to know that any further action on his part will end with the same rejection and he'd be wasting his time and emotion on someone that does not share his feelings. So the Three Strike Rule might be used as a guideline to determine how far the man might want to extend his emotion.
Strike Two: She talks about her sexual past while knowing that the man that's wooing her would love to make love to her but she has no intention of letting that happen.
Strike Three: She talks about the type of man she is attracted to knowing that what and who she describes in no way matches the the man that's wooing her.
As this is a response to Traci's post, I think I would like to state what a man might want from a woman if she is interested in him. Remember that the ten responses below, assume that the man is a gentleman who possesses a strong character and respect for women. He is not the run of the mill player. There's a whole other set of rules for those men. Probably a good follow up post to this one. Let me know in a comment if you'd like my opinion on the "Men Who Hunt In Bars"
- Remember that a man has feelings. Especially the men that respect women.
- If all a woman is looking for is a roll in the hay, and the man she cares to roll with has shown himself to be a gentleman, she better take the reigns and let him know what she wants. At least until he's sure he won't be crossing a line of inappropriateness. Because a gentleman is not going to put the moves on a woman unless he knows that's what she wants!
- If a man has made it obvious that he is interested in the woman, and she is interested in him, than she should reciprocate his actions by returning the same to him. Example: take his hand when walking, or grab his arm and walk close to him, walk up behind him and massage his back. Or just put your arms around him and hold him for a quality minute.
- Tell him how you feel! Whether it's what he wants to hear or not! Frankly this should go for the man as well.
COMMUNICATION! Without it, you might as well hang it up before you "commence to begin to start". - Call him, email him, text him. If he is truly interested in you, and not a player, he will welcome all of the above, as often as you can provide it. He'll want to know how your day went and what you did and everything else about you. If you call, he will welcome the sound of your voice and want to see you all the more. And don't forget to ask him how his day went.
- Surprise him by coming to his house with intentions of spending the night!
- Surprise him when he visits your house by dressing up a bit. Just for him!
- Know his likes and dislikes. Hopefully they will be similar, or at least complimentary to yours.
- Include him in your activities with friends as he should with you.
- Show him that you are happy and excited to see him, to be with him, to hear from him and to be seen with him!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The Game Of Non-Pursuit
Relationships can mean anything from a chance encounter and conversation over coffee at the local coffee shop, or having a drink at the bar and getting to know the bartender (male or female depending on the gender of my reader) better than a close friend, to a long term happy marriage or one that went sour. Every contact you make, has some level of relationship to it. The length, depth and emotional involvement all have to do with the level of interest.
The level of interest is measured by mutual degrees of action. Whether just talking, talking about things not discussed with others, holding hands, caresses, a soft kiss, a massage, a foot rub. May all be indicators of the degree of interest one may have in someone. The acceptance of such activities by the other indicate some degree of interest, but the return of such activities to the other is a sure sign that something is happening between the two people.
But when they are accepted by the receiver in a fashion that indicates pleasure and enjoyment, but are still not returned, the giver is falsely led to believe that those actions are acceptable but leaves the giver with an empty feeling. So if any or all of the activities are accepted but not returned, it should indicate that no interest exists from the receiver and therefore there is no reason to pursue a more than casual relationship. It could be considered a less than tolerable action by some, but it is better than a slap in the face. The reasons for acceptance without reciprocation may vary. Ranging from having nothing in common with the giver but selfishly enjoying the attention (this would be playing with the giver's feelings), a fear of moving up the relationship level ladder, the giver is just not the type that the receiver is attracted to but again still enjoys the attention, is holding back due to some past relationship failure or is holding back due to a current relationship. There are numerous other reasons. And the giver must be prepared for whatever good or bad occurs due to the giver's actions. Sometimes that's easier said than done. Mostly dependent on the level of interest the giver has in the receiver.
The rules of relationships, or the game of pursuit may be second nature to those who have been "on the prowl" for a lengthy period of time. But there are those, regardless of age, who are still learning to "play the game" or figuring out the rules. I know for a fact that I'm one that's new to the game. And have been guilty at not recognizing the signs. But my father once told me that of all things he could credit me with, persistence would be my strongest attribute. And so, I tend to be persistent to a fault. After all, if you want something bad enough, you might have to work hard to get it right?
With my epiphany of late, I realize that by today's standards, pursuit tends to be looked at in one of two ways. First it may be considered a weakness on the part of the pursuer, or it can be looked at as inappropriate behavior! I believe neither to be correct and I think if one is willing to pursue another in an honest and meaningful fashion, then the "pursued" should feel quite honored. But alas, we are in the 21st century and times have greatly changed.
I guess its best, that in order to compete in the game, you must play the game by the new rules of Non-Pursuit. The problem with the game, is that if everyone played by the same rules, male and female, there would be nothing other than casual relationships. Because the "game of pursuit" would be seen as a negative trait regardless of gender and the game of non-pursuit leads to nowhere. So where does the game go from there? How do relationships build from casual to meaningful?
Regardless of what I've written in this post, I am a die hard old schooler that believes in romance and affection. And if signs of affection are negatively accepted in the 21st century and pursuing is considered weakness or inappropriate behavior, then the world has truly gone to hell and the Golden Rule makes no sense.
The level of interest is measured by mutual degrees of action. Whether just talking, talking about things not discussed with others, holding hands, caresses, a soft kiss, a massage, a foot rub. May all be indicators of the degree of interest one may have in someone. The acceptance of such activities by the other indicate some degree of interest, but the return of such activities to the other is a sure sign that something is happening between the two people.
But when they are accepted by the receiver in a fashion that indicates pleasure and enjoyment, but are still not returned, the giver is falsely led to believe that those actions are acceptable but leaves the giver with an empty feeling. So if any or all of the activities are accepted but not returned, it should indicate that no interest exists from the receiver and therefore there is no reason to pursue a more than casual relationship. It could be considered a less than tolerable action by some, but it is better than a slap in the face. The reasons for acceptance without reciprocation may vary. Ranging from having nothing in common with the giver but selfishly enjoying the attention (this would be playing with the giver's feelings), a fear of moving up the relationship level ladder, the giver is just not the type that the receiver is attracted to but again still enjoys the attention, is holding back due to some past relationship failure or is holding back due to a current relationship. There are numerous other reasons. And the giver must be prepared for whatever good or bad occurs due to the giver's actions. Sometimes that's easier said than done. Mostly dependent on the level of interest the giver has in the receiver.
The rules of relationships, or the game of pursuit may be second nature to those who have been "on the prowl" for a lengthy period of time. But there are those, regardless of age, who are still learning to "play the game" or figuring out the rules. I know for a fact that I'm one that's new to the game. And have been guilty at not recognizing the signs. But my father once told me that of all things he could credit me with, persistence would be my strongest attribute. And so, I tend to be persistent to a fault. After all, if you want something bad enough, you might have to work hard to get it right?
With my epiphany of late, I realize that by today's standards, pursuit tends to be looked at in one of two ways. First it may be considered a weakness on the part of the pursuer, or it can be looked at as inappropriate behavior! I believe neither to be correct and I think if one is willing to pursue another in an honest and meaningful fashion, then the "pursued" should feel quite honored. But alas, we are in the 21st century and times have greatly changed.
I guess its best, that in order to compete in the game, you must play the game by the new rules of Non-Pursuit. The problem with the game, is that if everyone played by the same rules, male and female, there would be nothing other than casual relationships. Because the "game of pursuit" would be seen as a negative trait regardless of gender and the game of non-pursuit leads to nowhere. So where does the game go from there? How do relationships build from casual to meaningful?
Regardless of what I've written in this post, I am a die hard old schooler that believes in romance and affection. And if signs of affection are negatively accepted in the 21st century and pursuing is considered weakness or inappropriate behavior, then the world has truly gone to hell and the Golden Rule makes no sense.
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Fork In The Road
A few posts ago, I mentioned something about being in a bad place and that it must have had something to do with the way the stars were aligned or something. I didn't know at that time how true the statement might have been.
As it turns out, two years ago this week began a change in my world as I then knew it. It was the week my then wife decided to move out of our house. It was a traumatic time for me, filled with immense emotional despair, disbelief, hurt, dishonesty and of course the realization that I was going to be alone. Though I know this same thing has happened to many married couples, I was not believing that it was happening to our marriage. It began a long process of personal reflection and mourning. Enough said about the then.
Now, two years later, the fog has finally cleared and I find myself at a fork in the road of life. The road leading left will take me in nothing more than a circle. The road leading right will move me forward and on to better, happier days filled with new friends, experiences and the pleasures of life one expects. Today I have turned right! And I am planning a journey that will exceed my previous dreams and expectations.
For those of you who have known me in the past, beware. I may seem a bit different. You may like the new me, or you may hate the new me. The fact is, I was once a very confident individual. I lost that somehow over the past couple years. But this week it returned and that is the me that I am. Though it's raining outside today, the sun shines for me. Because I have finally come to grips with my emotions and have won the battle. I may seem a little colder to some, and a little smarter to others but most of all I see things a whole lot clearer.
So look out world, the me that has been locked up inside has emerged.
As it turns out, two years ago this week began a change in my world as I then knew it. It was the week my then wife decided to move out of our house. It was a traumatic time for me, filled with immense emotional despair, disbelief, hurt, dishonesty and of course the realization that I was going to be alone. Though I know this same thing has happened to many married couples, I was not believing that it was happening to our marriage. It began a long process of personal reflection and mourning. Enough said about the then.
Now, two years later, the fog has finally cleared and I find myself at a fork in the road of life. The road leading left will take me in nothing more than a circle. The road leading right will move me forward and on to better, happier days filled with new friends, experiences and the pleasures of life one expects. Today I have turned right! And I am planning a journey that will exceed my previous dreams and expectations.
For those of you who have known me in the past, beware. I may seem a bit different. You may like the new me, or you may hate the new me. The fact is, I was once a very confident individual. I lost that somehow over the past couple years. But this week it returned and that is the me that I am. Though it's raining outside today, the sun shines for me. Because I have finally come to grips with my emotions and have won the battle. I may seem a little colder to some, and a little smarter to others but most of all I see things a whole lot clearer.
So look out world, the me that has been locked up inside has emerged.
Friday, October 2, 2009
If You Got Money, We Can Talk! Else, bye!
I just finished having a conversation with a friend of mine. I'll call him MN. A while ago, he was torn apart by a women he loved that took him for just about everything he had. In fact he had to file bankruptcy and lost his house. I knew the woman as well. At least I thought I did until she did this man the way she did. After that he swore off women for quite a while, and he was having a bad time of it. I hadn't talked to him in a while, but today he filled me in on how he's handled his loneliness.
Money! He now doesn't even consider talking to a woman unless she has money and is willing to spend it on him. He says "I'm tired of being taken advantage of and figure it's my turn!" He says "I'm done looking for love and relationship. All I want, is to have a woman who's willing to take ME out, buy ME clothes. Keep them wanting ME to live with them!" Which he says he's never going to do again. He just keeps these women, and there's a few in his corral, believing that he will eventually. He has no emotional attachment to any of them and could care less if any of them dumped him. He's says he has old women, fat women, good looking women and not so good looking women. He's say's "It Don't Matter To Me!" I've never seen this man happier! I called him a WHORE! And he laughed and said better to be the whore than pay for one! God! That almost makes sense!
Frankly, I was a bit taken back by this conversation. I've known this man for almost 7 years. We've talked many times about a lot of different things. He's confided in me. He's cried at my house when things went sour with the last woman he was with when I knew him. He was a genuine Good Ol' Boy with feelings and a heart of gold. Yet the man I was having a conversation with turned ugly and cold. But he was happy!
Is that what it takes to be happy these days? You have to be ugly and cold? You need to get over on people? Take advantage of a person when they're down? I don't ever want to get to the state of mind where I'm purposely looking for a woman to take advantage of. I look around at all the dishonesty that I deal with every day and I just can't bring myself to be part of it.
And then it hit me! Women have been doing that very same thing to men for years! I've had it happen to me and didn't realize it when it was happening. MN is just giving back what he has received! Maybe I should give this a little more thought. NO NO NO NO! I can not be that type of person!
What happened to relationships for love and being part of someone's life and them part of yours? It seems, at least the women I currently talk to, are at least outwardly happy to go about their lives surrounded by friends and acquaintances, whom they say they love and are loved back by. But that's not true love. That's just a way of making a person feel just a bit more special then an acquaintance.
I'm thinking...... Show me the money?
Nope. Can't do it. Won't do it. It's better to be unhappy for what might have been done to me, than to live with the guilt of taking advantage of someone else.
Am I totally out of my mind? Does anyone agree with me?
Money! He now doesn't even consider talking to a woman unless she has money and is willing to spend it on him. He says "I'm tired of being taken advantage of and figure it's my turn!" He says "I'm done looking for love and relationship. All I want, is to have a woman who's willing to take ME out, buy ME clothes. Keep them wanting ME to live with them!" Which he says he's never going to do again. He just keeps these women, and there's a few in his corral, believing that he will eventually. He has no emotional attachment to any of them and could care less if any of them dumped him. He's says he has old women, fat women, good looking women and not so good looking women. He's say's "It Don't Matter To Me!" I've never seen this man happier! I called him a WHORE! And he laughed and said better to be the whore than pay for one! God! That almost makes sense!
Frankly, I was a bit taken back by this conversation. I've known this man for almost 7 years. We've talked many times about a lot of different things. He's confided in me. He's cried at my house when things went sour with the last woman he was with when I knew him. He was a genuine Good Ol' Boy with feelings and a heart of gold. Yet the man I was having a conversation with turned ugly and cold. But he was happy!
Is that what it takes to be happy these days? You have to be ugly and cold? You need to get over on people? Take advantage of a person when they're down? I don't ever want to get to the state of mind where I'm purposely looking for a woman to take advantage of. I look around at all the dishonesty that I deal with every day and I just can't bring myself to be part of it.
And then it hit me! Women have been doing that very same thing to men for years! I've had it happen to me and didn't realize it when it was happening. MN is just giving back what he has received! Maybe I should give this a little more thought. NO NO NO NO! I can not be that type of person!
What happened to relationships for love and being part of someone's life and them part of yours? It seems, at least the women I currently talk to, are at least outwardly happy to go about their lives surrounded by friends and acquaintances, whom they say they love and are loved back by. But that's not true love. That's just a way of making a person feel just a bit more special then an acquaintance.
I'm thinking...... Show me the money?
Nope. Can't do it. Won't do it. It's better to be unhappy for what might have been done to me, than to live with the guilt of taking advantage of someone else.
Am I totally out of my mind? Does anyone agree with me?
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