The Game Of Non-Pursuit

Relationships can mean anything from a chance encounter and conversation over coffee at the local coffee shop, or having a drink at the bar and getting to know the bartender (male or female depending on the gender of my reader) better than a close friend, to a long term happy marriage or one that went sour. Every contact you make, has some level of relationship to it. The length, depth and emotional involvement all have to do with the level of interest.

The level of interest is measured by mutual degrees of action. Whether just talking, talking about things not discussed with others, holding hands, caresses, a soft kiss, a massage, a foot rub. May all be indicators of the degree of interest one may have in someone. The acceptance of such activities by the other indicate some degree of interest, but the return of such activities to the other is a sure sign that something is happening between the two people.

But when they are accepted by the receiver in a fashion that indicates pleasure and enjoyment, but are still not returned, the giver is falsely led to believe that those actions are acceptable but leaves the giver with an empty feeling. So if any or all of the activities are accepted but not returned, it should indicate that no interest exists from the receiver and therefore there is no reason to pursue a more than casual relationship. It could be considered a less than tolerable action by some, but it is better than a slap in the face. The reasons for acceptance without reciprocation may vary. Ranging from having nothing in common with the giver but selfishly enjoying the attention (this would be playing with the giver's feelings), a fear of moving up the relationship level ladder, the giver is just not the type that the receiver is attracted to but again still enjoys the attention, is holding back due to some past relationship failure or is holding back due to a current relationship. There are numerous other reasons. And the giver must be prepared for whatever good or bad occurs due to the giver's actions. Sometimes that's easier said than done. Mostly dependent on the level of interest the giver has in the receiver.

The rules of relationships, or the game of pursuit may be second nature to those who have been "on the prowl" for a lengthy period of time. But there are those, regardless of age, who are still learning to "play the game" or figuring out the rules. I know for a fact that I'm one that's new to the game. And have been guilty at not recognizing the signs. But my father once told me that of all things he could credit me with, persistence would be my strongest attribute. And so, I tend to be persistent to a fault. After all, if you want something bad enough, you might have to work hard to get it right?

With my epiphany of late, I realize that by today's standards, pursuit tends to be looked at in one of two ways. First it may be considered a weakness on the part of the pursuer, or it can be looked at as inappropriate behavior! I believe neither to be correct and I think if one is willing to pursue another in an honest and meaningful fashion, then the "pursued" should feel quite honored. But alas, we are in the 21st century and times have greatly changed.

I guess its best, that in order to compete in the game, you must play the game by the new rules of Non-Pursuit. The problem with the game, is that if everyone played by the same rules, male and female, there would be nothing other than casual relationships. Because the "game of pursuit" would be seen as a negative trait regardless of gender and the game of non-pursuit leads to nowhere. So where does the game go from there? How do relationships build from casual to meaningful?

Regardless of what I've written in this post, I am a die hard old schooler that believes in romance and affection. And if signs of affection are negatively accepted in the 21st century and pursuing is considered weakness or inappropriate behavior, then the world has truly gone to hell and the Golden Rule makes no sense.