Can You Say Please?

While working as a Corrections officer in a State Prison facility, an Officer who handled Inmate requests for forms, newspapers, aspirins, etc, had an Inmate approach the desk and abruptly and quite rudely demand a newspaper by gruffly grunting “PAPER!” The Officer turned to the Inmate, smiled and said “Can you say please?” The inmate stared at the Officer for a second and then walked away in a huff without the newspaper.

A few minutes later, the Officer’s Sergeant approached the Officer and said that an Inmate just came up to him and asked where it says in Policy that an Inmate has to say “Please” to get a newspaper. The Sergeant told the Officer, he replied “it doesn’t and asked the Inmate why he asked?” The Sergeant said the Inmate, pointed to the Officer, and said “then you better teach that Officer over there Policy”!

The Sergeant then asked the Officer if he refused to give a newspaper to an inmate if he didn’t say please? And the Officer replied that he did not refuse anything and just asked the Inmate if he could say please. The Sergeant in no uncertain terms informed the Officer that “the Inmate does NOT have to say Please for anything because nowhere in Policy does it say he has to!”

The Officer looked at the Sergeant dumbfounded and said, “that he didn’t feel it had anything to do with any Policy and that he was simply attempting to impress upon the Inmate, simple common courtesies of Please and Thank you.”

The Officer tried to explain to the Sergeant that on the outside, where the Inmate might be lucky enough to be some day, even if it’s not written in POLICY anywhere, common courtesies are pretty much expected or at the very least, anticipated. Not to mention appreciated. And it is part of an Officer’s job to reinforce positive and courteous behavior in order to have the Inmate better prepared to deal with society once the Inmate is released. The Sergeant replied saying “he’s an Inmate and doesn’t have to say Please!”

Later, the Inmate came back to the desk, smirked at the Officer and again rudely demanded a newspaper from another Officer and received it without having to say Please or Thank you.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. And don’t forget to thank a Corrections Officer for doing the “thankless” job they do. Have a great day!

Not Always My Daily Quotes

"When you believe you have all the answers,
you're only lying to yourself"
(c)07/22/2010 JJ Williams

"Life IS what it IS!
You can try and change it but it will always be what IT is!"
(c)07/21/2010 JJ Williams

"If your heart is not at risk, you are not in a real
romantic relationship. That out of control, falling and not being able
to control it feeling is the very essence of being in love, isn't it?
If you can control it, it isn't coming from your heart."
(c)March 2010 TL Hobson

"Love is...
Never having to say I'm Sorry".
(Anonymous)

"Love is just a word
until someone comes along
and gives it meaning."
(Steven Seay)

"I don't know
what I want to do with you yet,
but I know I want to keep you around!"
(Susan Zulinke)

"Grant me the senility,
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference"
(Unknown Creator)

"Make every day better than yesterday
And let your dreams of tomorrow
become the reality of today"
(c)01/2/2010 JJ Williams

"Be who you are and say what you feel....
because those that matter,
don't mind,
and those that mind.....
don't matter!"
(Unknown Creator)

"I may not know who I am
or where I'm going,
but I know who I'm not
and where I don't want to be."
(c)05/13/1975 JJ Williams

"Right now,
I Want You To Be A Dumb Ass
Not A Smart Ass!"
(c)09/27/2009 TL Hobson

"If one does not self promote,
one will be self defeated"
(c)09/20/2009 JJ Williams

"If you have love in your heart, you're a lucky man.

If you are able to share it you are blessed.

If it's stolen from you, it may be irreplaceable"

(c)09/18/2009 JJ Williams

"Lately, it seems I spend each day learning more and more
about how little I know!"

(c)09/17/2009 JJ Williams

"When God tests you, don't expect a passing grade!"

(c)09/16/2009 JJ Williams

It's Time.....

It's been quite a while since I last posted anything to this blog. I guess I was going through a period of indecisiveness. Or I was just uninspired. So I decided rather than continue with the same old same old, I would just keep quiet. I can't keep quiet any longer.

I work at a North Carolina prison in unforgiving, unhealthy conditions, earning less than poverty wages by today's standards, with no hint of a pay increase, not being able to afford to do anything that might be considered fun, let alone paying for things that might be considered necessities such as new glasses or hearing aids or dental work. Yep, you guessed it, the benefits offered by the State are minimal at best. I found out this week that the BSBS policy no longer covers even a single eye exam! But yet, an inmate has all his medical issues paid for. Including, and get this, an inmate receiving hormone injections to create breasts!!!!!! That I think was the final straw for me. Governor Purdue, has not got the decency to take care of those who take care of the citizens of NC, and would rather take care of those who harm the citizens. I'm sorry but this State's political views are so far out of touch with reality that I am no longer proud to be a resident and State Employee of North Carolina.

And as long as I'm talking about Insurance coverage when I started working for the State, I took out additional insurance to cover things like Extended Illness and Cancer and a life insurance policy. All of which decreased my take home pay by about $200.00. When I transferred from 2nd shift to 1st shift, I took a sizable cut in pay. I contacted HR to remove those "optional" coverage items and was told that I couldn't until "Open Enrollment" in November. I was appalled that I am unable to lessen the insurance coverage, even though I can no longer afford it! I will certainly not make use of any of it before November. How is it that an insurance plan ironically called NC Flex is so non-flexible that it does not allow an employee to control his or her own out of pocket costs! Frankly, this type of a "forced" deduction is down right thievery, should be considered criminal and warrant a class action law suit! And the next big hit, will be when they lower our coverage to a 70/30 plan for those who do not quit smoking on their own time!

I was born and raised in NJ but after moving here some seven plus years ago, I used to say that "I was born and raised in NJ but I'm home now!" Truth is, I truly am embarrassed to say I live here. Now I'm sure that there will be some die hard red necks out there that will say "Yankee go home" and to them I say, open your eyes. You can't farm any more, tobacco is no longer a prime crop, our education system is going down the tubes being accused of promoting segregation! Our politicians are all under investigation for fraud or other criminal activities. You don't know who to trust, who you can talk to or who's looking to get over on you. I hope my Freedom of Speech right hasn't been taken away yet or I might be crossing a line by even writing this blog. If you don't see it coming, I'm sorry for you. We can''t continue to be apathetic and expect to survive.

It's no wonder the inmates get everything and the State Employees get nothing. The politicians again will benefit from the free medical care, education, job training, three meals and a bed after they find themselves behind bars.

Wake up North Carolina. Especially NC State employees. It won't be long before they will again try to cut our pay or take something else away from us and give it to the inmates. They've already transferred our rights to them. What do you think will be next?

Textual Relationships

With the rampant increase in cell phone text messaging, an entirely new sort of relationship has emerged. I call it a "TEXTUAL RELATIONSHIP". It is one that is very informal and limited to 160 characters per transmission and involves no kissing, touching or warmth. The up side? It's safe. You can't get pregnant and you can't catch a disease. The downside? Well, if I have to tell you that, just keep texting your little hearts out. Because if you're not smart enough to figure that out, than you shouldn't be in any sort of relationship at all. But I'll give you a hint.

Texting allows no emotion or feeling to show, other than a one dimensional cold one that is often misinterpreted. It is one step above no relationship at all. If you're in a "textual relationship" and it seems to be your only form of connecting with your "significant other", than that person is really not a significant other and probably looks at you as a pretty insignificant part of their life.

Dating vs. Relationship

I've often wondered what it is that determines whether two people are just "dating", or if the two consider themselves to be in a so called "relationship". Now assuming that the two are not playing the field and only have time to see each other when possible, is it determined based on the number of dates? Is it the duration of the time that has passed since the first date? Or is it not time relevant at all?

If the time element, is excluded, one theory might be that the two are considered in a relationship, as long as the two want to be considered a couple and both agree to enjoy and experience each other fully. Regardless of the number of dates or days. On the other hand, if there is no spark, or strong enough desire to MAKE time to spend quality time with each other, or to consider each other to be that special someone in their life, be it "boy friend" or "girl friend", or "main squeeze" or whatever other name one might use,  if one is not ready to put the other at least in their Top 5 importance list, (which incidentally, the order may vary from time to time and also be dependent on the things in your own particular life that are important which you actually may have to juggle a bit)

1. Family or Kids
2. Job
3. Yourself
4. Relationship
5. Other fun

and the other is, then don't commit. And make it clear up front to the other. Because the longer you wait, the one that wants to be, faces the inevitable hurt that goes with rejection if the status never turns into a "relationship".

The one that is ready, will tend to do whatever possible in order to win the heart of the other, and convince him or her that they belong together. While the other sits back and enjoys the attention without considering the impact that non-reciprocation has on the other. As time goes on, the one that is receiving the attention, will eventually feel complacent with the attention being received and not feel any reason to change the status from "dating" to being in a "relationship". And eventually, if the the giver of the attention is smart, will realize that he or she is just barking up the wrong tree and stop doing anything extra. Hence, returning to either just dating, or not seeing each other at all. Generally, depending on how far the giver went before realizing that he or she was wasting precious time and money on the other, and how angry one might get at themselves for doing so.

A more simplified theory might place limitations on what each might expect from the other. Such as, if the two are simply dating, then the only real responsibility of one to the other is who pays for the date. Of course in today's society, it would generally be the man. At least in my world. But in some circles, it would be the one who initiates the "date".

That being said, then, if the two are not in a relationship, neither should expect anything more than what occurs on the date. There would be no reason to communicate personal problems to the other or become involved in the others life, or the desire to give special gifts because when you are just "dating", your soul purpose is to have fun during the date. When the date is over, you go about your day to day without any further thought of the other, until perhaps another date is planned.

Now, if the two have decided that they want to commit to each other for some unknown period of time, then you might consider the two to be in a relationship and the two should surely be capable of providing all that the other expects. That which would be expected, might not be crystal clear before the commitment is made. But regardless of whatever one expects from the other, a relationship takes work. It is the foundation for a future together and should be taken seriously. Each should certainly put equal effort into pleasing the other in whatever form each might want, expect or feel comfortable doing for or accepting from each other. In no way should it be only one sided. Thinking only of yourself would leave the other with an empty feeling.

Remember also, that if you've been single for a while, are independent and only have had yourself to consider, you may require some behavioral modification. It would no longer only be about you. You will have to re-learn how to think in terms of a partnership or "We" instead of thinking in terms of "Me" or "I". Because the other would certainly want to be considered when making plans. No matter whether those plans might be long term or day to day. Not considering the others feelings, or schedule, will surely doom the relationship very quickly.

That doesn't mean you have to give up being yourself. Remember that the attraction that one has for the other, has to do with the person you are. Changing your sole just to be in a relationship is sure failure as well. Especially as we get older and we are for the most part, complete individuals that have already experienced life's ups and downs. Those who may read this, that are still young, unmarried or never having loved, will most likely change with age. Their soul may not be fully developed. They have not experienced heartbreak or death, or loss. And as these natural events occur during your life, you tend to change your initial attitude about yourself. Which is why some relationships that started at a young age, fail later in life. (I'll save this topic for a future post)

Probably the most important thing that I have learned however, is that no matter what, you can't make someone love you or force them to become the other half of a relationship. Even if one's feeling for the other is true, unrequited love from the heart. If the other doesn't feel the same, you are probably wasting your time, money, self respect and most importantly, your emotional energy while seemingly trying to convince the other that they should love you back. Just because you think they are the new love of your life, or even the first, does not guarantee they will consider you in the same light. The feeling should be a powerfully natural and mutually gratifying feeling by both, toward each other. Not one's self.

As mentioned in a previous post, if you've been divorced, or were in a serious loving relationship and survived the break up, you should have realized that you can live without the person you might have thought was the love of your life. If that relationship failed, so be it. Move on and continue to try and find your real soul mate. Not having someone to love, is simply a lonely existence. Not a life. Loving someone who does not love you back is a waste of your own heart and soul and the realization might be one of the hardest things to accept. Don't let it hold you hostage. Get over it and move on.

 If you are not prepared to enter into a relationship with an open heart and mind, forsaking all who have previously hurt you, or that you have loved and lost, then don't until you are willing to release the past. But if you are ready, willing and able, do it with a fervor that is from your soul. Hold nothing back and don't fear the future. Embrace it, embellish it and enjoy your life with the one who loves you. And love them back like you never thought you could again.

A Simple Gesture of Hello

To have a successful relationship with anyone, whether they be a significant other, spouse, employer, co-worker or a friend, a certain amount of effort has to be put into the relationship by both parties involved. Whether the relationship is

1. a simple gesture of hello from one stranger to another
2. a casual link with someone you like more than others
3. a friendship between two people
4. a meaningful but platonic bond
5. a meaningful and romantic bond
   
   The success is up to the understanding of the effort each would like to experience from the other.

The amount of effort one puts in, might be a guide to what you might get back.
Or it might not!

I stated in a previous post that relationships take many forms. Starting with a simple wave of hello to a stranger, on to a casual conversation between two friends, associates or co-workers, stepping it up to a meaningful relationship between two people who care for each other and then topping out at a mutual bond with a certain commitment between the two to each other. A "mutual bond" might have several different levels or types such as that of a platonic relationship or one that is romantic. There is of course a "meaningful business relationship" as well which I think I might cover in another post.

Let me start with a simple gesture of hello. Have you ever walked by someone and said hello to them, only to receive back a cold stare? What did you feel? What did you think of the person staring? Now weigh the feeling that you get when the person smiles and says hello back. It generally happens so fast that you don't even think about it but the satisfaction felt is the basic foundation of a relationship. It could go either way at the very beginning. But the emotion you feel is pleasureful when you receive a positive response back. And an emptiness when you don't. The give and take of this sort of relationship is the action of simply saying hello to each other.

A casual link between two people may be due to a membership, or mutual association with other people both people have in common or is the result of some other sort of commonality. Usually a similar view on certain subjects, mutual friends in common or a membership of some sort like that on Facebook. It's generally not a life long relationship and ends when the people are no longer associated with the common interests that got them together in the first place. Very often, a casual link is misinterpreted to be a friendship. But truthfully, one usually has many, many casual links throughout their lifetime but only a handful of true friends. The give and take in this sort of relationship involves several areas. It can be the knowledge offered by one to the other, it can be the sharing of information, or a way to meet other people or even to acquire certain material things. It is generally very informal with no particular bond or agreement to remain "linked" with one another. But the result of the efforts put into the relationship should be at the very least, gratifying.

And then whether stemming from the first "simple gesture of hello" or a "casual link", might eventually come a friendship between two people. This type of relationship can be life long whether the two see or talk to each other daily, once a year or not in years. True friendship relationships develop over time but once the bond is created, and the relationship is built on trust, the bond should be taken very seriously by the two. And if the bond is broken, both parties will feel the pain and sorrow of loosing the other regardless of the reason the relationship ended. And when it ends, a period of mistrust is experienced, and is sometimes difficult to either rebuild that relationship, or enter into another trusting one for some time. Friends call upon each other when in need of help and will offer help to each other willingly and without hesitation. Whether it involves physical labor, a financial involvement, or the sharing of ones possessions. The efforts that are conveyed are the stimulus for the relationship and though the relationship might have ups and downs, the pleasure one feels by having the other as a friend, should outweigh any down side.

Very often, we might have a BF or best friend that we consider very special. It is the result of a meaningful but platonic bond. Each is a confidant to each other with personal information, an adviser about each others love life and someone to talk with about just about anything. To be considered anyone's "best friend" should be taken seriously. It can be between a man and a woman, two women or two men. The efforts put forth in this sort of relationship might be fairly diverse and will be gender specific in nature. But the height to which the relationship grows WILL be based on what extent each can DEPEND on the other.

And then comes the relationship for lovers which I have named in this post as a meaningful and romantic bond. It generally begins as a platonic bond and gradually develops into one that adds additional rules, expectations, activities and awareness of the others likes and dislikes.

In some cases, it might bypass all the other stages of relationship described here and become meaningful immediately following the mutual hello. But not often. And one must believe in "Love At First Sight" in order for it to happen that quickly.

More commonly, it starts with a "simple gesture of hello" and moves completely through the levels of relationship until a certain commitment between the two people is made. The commitment is the hard part for some because it is accepting the rules and expectations that the two agree on and to forgo all others romantically as well as sexually.

To get to this point, and be successful in maintaining this level of relationship takes a lot of effort on the two involved. It means being involved in each others life, family, children, friends, job or business. Whether to just be there for each other during rough periods, or to be there to celebrate the good things that would more than not affect them both in some fashion. To be an extension of the other. To become a "We" rather than an "I".

One of the hardest parts in today's society is to allow the "We" to be, without loosing one's independence or individuality. One would hope that the "We" that is created is one where each of the personalities compliment each other. They don't need to be, and probably shouldn't be identical. But certainly should be compatible. This is where (of course not the only reason) I think many people fail to find their soul mate. The individual is so busy trying to find someone "just like themselves". But when, or if they do, they become bored because there are no new ideas, thoughts or aspects of the other that each has yet to experience.

I believe that the amount of effort, thought and desire that each put into the relationship will be the determining factor of how the relationship will endure. In other words, if one is always doing for, thinking of or responding to the other but the other is not, then guess what, the relationship is doomed unless there is good and temporary reason for it to be only one sided.

Unless of course the two of you are into a "passive/submissive" type of lifestyle. But I'll leave that for another post.

The amount of pleasure that both receive from the other, WILL be directly dependent on the amount of effort each puts into the relationship. If you truly want to have a meaningful and romantic relationship, the two must:

1. Acknowledge and accept each others desire to do so. (Communication is the key!)
2. Accept and become part of each others life, circle of friends, family and business associates.
3. Do things for each other! Important one here. Its the small things that can make all the difference.
4. Surprise each other.
5. Keep the relationship static rather than stale.
   
6. Become involved with each others desires and goals and help each other with a project, or the others kids. And allow the other to do so and be there for each other!
7. Don't EXPECT a thing, but ACCEPT anything that the other put thought into making happen.
8. Don't try and change a thing about the other. If there is anything that needs changing in your eyes, they might not be the one you should be with. You should be happy with who each are before you make the commitment TO EACH OTHER!
   
9. MAKE time to spend together! A really big one here. Don't keep putting quality time off. This is a lesson that I learned over the years and is best represented in Tim McGraw's "Live Like You Are Dieing".
10. Tell each other how much you care for each other. Every day! Along with showing each other. This is best represented by Garth Brook's "If Tomorrow Never Comes".

I'm not an expert in relationships. God knows I've failed in the past. But from my failures, I've gained insight and knowledge. There is no magic formula. With all the books about relationships written by professors, doctors and other writers with degrees in various areas, I truly believe that all the trees it took to write the thousands of books, containing yet hundreds of pages on the subject could have been saved. It really comes down to an understanding of the basic fundamentals of the The Golden Rule and simple common sense. If two people are interested in one another, regardless of the extent of involvement they intend to have, treat the other as you would like to be treated yourself. Be honest with each other. Show respect to the other. Don't be hurtful. Even if you you're "just kidding". It may not be taken the way you think. And frankly is a representation of your own asininity and level of maturity. What do you think?

Dust To Dust

I had an interesting conversation with someone today, that inspired me to ponder whether my current belief, toward the material things that I've acquired, purchased, been given, or inherited, is prudent or frivolous.

I grew up being taught to appreciate all that you have and work hard to keep it. The monetary value of the object is not necessarily the most important factor when the time comes to dispose of it. Some things, whether expensive or not, may have an entirely different value associated with it than that of the almighty dollar. In fact, some things might be priceless to one, and valueless to another. And if it's yours, appreciate it for whatever value it represents to you.

But now, at a crossroads in my life, where I have more material items than I have need for, and no siblings or no one left that would appreciate them as I do, the question was raised as "Why not just get rid of them?" I started making excuses for the reasons, such as, well that used to be my fathers, or I have sweat equity in it that can't be valued or some other emotional attachment. All were my reasons for "storing" these items in a house that's bigger than I need or can easily afford. And wouldn't need the house other than for the items I have accumulated over the years.

I have been accused of being a pack rat by some,
but I don't think it's quite that bad.

The point that was being made during this conversation was simple. I am the only one that cares anything about those "materialistic possessions". When your dead, no one will remember the reasons you kept it. And they will only be burdened with disposing of the items. And after several years, no one will probably remember you. So why not dispose of the items now and live the rest of your life in simplicity and in a non-materialistic fashion.

The Zac Brown Band song was brought up to add to the imagery of the type of simplistic life style being described. Without making mention of that song, you might think I was pondering becoming a Monk. Rest assured, there's no Monk style in my future. But I have to tell you, I was caught at maybe a weak moment and pondered the possibility of reversing my life long quest at acquiring the "things" I like, for instead making my new life's goal to be one placing me on a beach, sitting in the sun with my feet in the water and my butt in the sand! And get rid of everything that I have bought, packed, moved and stared at, that has any emotional attachment to me. And live only with the memories in my mind and heart.

Ummm. Memories that exist in my mind and heart. They can't be destroyed or taken away, or sold or given and it would seem that they would be closer to me at all times without the burden of moving them, dusting them off or making room for them. That seems very practical. Now that's not saying the things I use everyday or even once in awhile would be part of this concept. Obviously some things are part of me rather than an attachment to someone else who existed for a period of time in my life but no longer exists. Those items should remain until I deem them no longer necessary.

It says in the Bible that you come into this life with nothing and you should leave this life with nothing. Dust to Dust. And that started making a lot of sense to me. But I think I'd like to change the image that Dust to Dust presents by saying "Sand to Sand" instead. What do you think?

Patience Is A Virtue

As I get older (and older, and older), I realize that my patience has become shorter (and shorter, and shorter). My father once said to me that "of all things he could credit me for, perseverance was my best virtue." That may have been true then (some 10+ years ago) but with perseverance exists patience. I have come to realize that my patience level has dwindled to almost zero. Hence, my fathers credit has also suffered. I always used to say that "good things come to those who are patient". But as time goes by (and by, and by) I'm still waiting.

Yea Yea, sounds like the same old whoa is me post. But truthfully, this post is about losing patience, not about what didn't happen when expected.

Things that I remember not bothering me in the past, absolutely drive me crazy now.

1. The government and the criminal cronies that make the decisions.
2. Inmates
3. Liars
4. Cheaters
5. People who take pride at getting over on others.
6. Thieves (This one might be covered by inmates or might just refer to someone that has yet to be locked up)
7. People who promise to do something and than conveniently "forget" to do it.
8. People who won't commit to do something that they say they want to do.
9. Wait... I'll think of another one to put here. CRS
   
10. ME! I have very little patience left, and piss myself off often because I "INCONVENIENTLY" truly forget (CRS) words, birthdays, people's names, the fact that people aren't perfect and I now find myself jumping the gun when I should have been patient and waited.
    

No More Mr. Nice Guy!

That's right. It doesn't pay to be nice. Just when you think you're gaining on being able to trust again, BAM! You get your face slammed to the mat! The Golden Rule is dead in today's world and it's time I move into the 21st Century. More on this later!!!

The new Golden Rule is "Do to Others BEFORE they do to you!"

Advice for the day......
Don't let down your guard. Don't turn your back. Don't rely on the code of morals to be the code for all. Don't give respect until you receive it and then be cautious.

Times Have Changed Us All

I believe that those of us having survived divorce, have been truly left with little hope of finding their true love. After all, when you marry, you hopefully felt that you married the one person that, as Reba says, you can't live without. But then you divorce and find that you can. Leaving you to believe that you really don't know who the love your life really is even if he or she was standing right in front of you. Certainly if you've survived, you might no longer have the energy or fortitude to pursue the one that might just be the right one.

When someone comes along that reignites a long lost feeling, you might not recognize it for what it is. In fact it might scare the hell out of you and make you run away from it. Only to find that you made yet another mistake in your quest for a soul mate. On the flip side, falling for the wrong person can be as emotionally and sometimes, physically devastating.

My advice, which isn't worth the flat screen this blog is being read from, is to follow your heart but use your head. Be careful with who you date, be careful to leave sex out of the picture until there is a serious on-going relationship. Don't make a mistake here it can lead to a very bad result. Be honest with each other at all cost! Don't cheat while in any level of a relationship! Don't make excuses for your lack of interest. Tell him or her straight out as soon as possible that you're not interested. Regardless of whether you might hurt the person. But if you are interested, make sure you let him or her know that as well. And to what degree NO ONE can read minds and wrong impressions are easily formulated when the interest or lack of interest is left to question. But most of all, don't be afraid to present yourself as the person you are. No false fronts or representations, just to attract someone. Be true to yourself, your feelings and your heart. If Mr. or Ms. Right is out there, you'll find each other. If not, be comfortable with yourself and who you are. Regardless of your past.

Make everyday better than yesterday and let your dreams of tomorrow become reality today.

Premium Ecigarettes

What Happened to The Music?

While watching the American Music Awards that I DVR'd, I realized that the music no longer seems to be the key element in the award. I think the biggest award should go to the production managers, stagehands and digital animators, along with the electricians, lighting techs and pyrotechnics. They are the ones who have done an over the top job! I have some experience in what it takes to move one act off stage and another one on. And that experience was in the old days before digital anamatography (my word) and moving stages. But I know what it takes to manage the type of show that the AMA is and the production crews are the ones with talent over most of the acts that performed.

The performances were all very different. From simple to extreme with no one stage being like the one before with high tech big screens and extreme lighting effects. The problem I see is that the MUSICAL TALENT was left to be second in line of the show. And I can't help but wonder which performer would be even an iota of entertainment without the production. My thoughts are below. What are yours?

1. Janet Jackson - Sluggish Performance - But yes
2. Daughtry - Exceptional Music - Simple Production - Absolutely!
3. Shakira - Bad Music - Over bearing production - No
4. Keith Urban - Exceptional Music - Simple Production - Absolutely
5. Kelly Clarkson - Exceptional - No Flash - Absolutely. On her phenomenal voice alone.
6. Alicia Keys and Jay Z - Give me a break! - No
7. Black Eyed Peas - Should have won the non-music award - Can't believe their fans are so deaf.
8. Rhiana - Cyborg pop is not music! - Keep it on Broadway. - No
9. Carrie Underwood - Below her norm - Outfit had me focused on her crotch. She should have gone without any production. Absolutely!
10. Lady Gaga - Poor performance - No GaGa here - No
11. Mary J Blige - She can sing and so most definitely - Yes
12. Jennifer Lopez - Poor theme. Certainly not the main event! - Probably
    
13. Whitney Houston - It's all about the voice! A different song might have worked better but... Absolutely!
14. Alicia Keys - She would have been better off to stick with a ballad and her piano. - Yes
    
15. 50 Cent - Where is the Music? What happened to the music?

Sorry I had to turn it off at this point!

Sunshine Comes With Dawn

I wrote this song almost a year ago. When I'm feeling down and feel like nothing is going my way, I pick up my guitar and sing it. It makes me feel better. Just reading the words might work for you as well.

It's always darkest, before the storm,
and though the light seems dim,
The moment that you think you're lost,
just reach out and you'll find Him

And though the light may be dim from the clouds,
brought by the raging storm,
He is the reason, now understand
Why sunshine comes with dawn.

And in the rubble of your life,
the wind blown storms will pass,
And where you stand, reach out your hand,
And He'll be there at last.

And though the light may be dim from the clouds,
brought by the raging storm,
He is the reason, now understand
Why sunshine comes with dawn.

And as you grasp your Savior's hand,
Remember Him this day,
It was He that weathered the storm with you,
And guided you on your way.

And though the light may be dim from the clouds,
brought by the raging storm,
He is the reason, now understand
Why sunshine comes with dawn.

(c)2008/02/09 jj williams

Back To Minneapolis

Read this with with a meter of Devil goes down to Georgia by the Charlie Daniels Band

It was cold in St. Paul on a Saturday night
back in Two Thousand and Five.
It was me and Paw riding in the Cab
of my Kennel-worth Easy Ride.

Paw's my dog he's a good ole' boy,
he's a mix of stray and sooner.
I found him at a truck stop
back in Tulsa eatin' tuna.

He's a mix alright, of God only knows what
he's no bigger than a small cat.
He's got a 10 inch tail and has no fur,
and sits on my head like a ball cap.

We were heading toward Minneapolis
drivin' fast on 94
We was haulin' a load of rock salt
and weighed in heavy as I recall.

It was late in the evening old Paw got fidgety
which told me he had to pee,
Had to find a place to pull this rig over,
Didn't want him to pee on me.

Found us a little place to stop,
Eased my rig in nice and slow,
I was relieved that we made it safe and sound
and got out of the ice and snow.

Well Paw jumped out, just in time,
Barely able to lift his leg
I decided not to lift mine,
Pulled my zipper down instead.

We went inside and sat down
at the first available table
A pretty young thing asked me what I'd like
I said coffee if she's able.

She looked at Paw and screamed out loud,
You can't have that thing in here!
I said that's no thing that's Paw,
He's my service dog my dear.

Well she didn't buy it and said if you'd please
Have him show you out the door,
So with Paw on my head, we got in the truck
Headed back down 94.

It was 14 December, a day I remember,
the weather was cold with fog.
Paw and me, couldn't eat you see,
cause they said Paw's a rat not a dog.

(c)2009/10/13 jj williams

Saga of a Deaf Man

Some many years ago, more than I care to even consider have passed, I was working in a furniture store. It was a very large warehouse with tall ceilings, lots of furniture and a noisy HVAC system.

An extremely attractive woman walked in the store, and though several of the sales team attempted to accost her, I did not. I simply let her browse the store, staying within ear and eyeshot away so that when she had a question, I'd be right there. I noticed that she almost teasingly kept looking at me out of the corner of her eye. As she roamed the store, she sat down on several pieces of furniture. Each time looking around to see if anyone, especially me I think was watching. She was wearing a very tight fitting stretch mini-skirt that even while standing hardly covered everything. And when she sat down, there in plain view was V-nice. She did this several times. Each time giving me a show. Now more than teasingly, it was temptingly. Well being the professional I am, I just smiled and watched as she went from couch to chair to love seat to hassock. Each and every time positioning herself provocatively, making sure I was watching.

Finally, having difficulty in watching her much longer, I went over to her and asked if I could help her find something. With that the HVAC system kicked on at the same time she was saying "I Want to F*CK you! I must have had a puzzled look on my face because she said it again. This time grabbing my arm. Each time I was barely able to hear her so I read her lips. The wise thing to do for a deaf man. Well this last time, she actually grabbed the lapels of my jacket and said it again without turning her head and staring directly into my eyes. This time I caught the entire sentence by lip reading and smiled at her and as the HVAC system quietly shut down, I said "I'm sorry but we don't have any Futons".

Well now the woman had the puzzled look on her face and then said, "you don't know what you're missing either!" And stormed out of the store.

My boss came over to me and asked what I said to make the woman leave so abruptly. And I replied, "We don't have any Futons" and suggested that he maybe should order some in. With that, he began to laugh hysterically. I couldn't figure out why. And then he told me what she had actually said.

I was flabbergasted! to say the least. The moral of the story is that the woman had no morals if all she wanted to do was have sex with me on a Futon!

(c)10/28/09 JJ Willams

Three Strikes Your Out

First let me preface this post by saying the comments in this post are based strictly on here say and are in no way directed to anyone in particular. They will however be recognized by those who are guilty. That being said, this post is sort of response to a post found on my good friend Traci's blog. Please read her post before reading mine.

I would like to start by saying I am in total agreement with each and every statement she makes and pride myself at being one that practices the simple gestures she describes. What she doesn't state on her blog is how, even if he is a perfect gentleman, no matter how hard the man tries to win her heart, he will not stand a chance if his outward appearance, fails to meet the physical criteria by which the woman is attracted to. So there lies a fallacy of "How To Attract A Southern Girl".

And here are a few ways that a man will know she is blowing him off.

Strike One: She gives the man wooing her, the "Turned Cheek Kiss and Half Hug" as if she were an Aunt or a Sister saying goodbye to a family member.

Strike Two: She talks about her sexual past while knowing that the man that's wooing her would love to make love to her but she has no intention of letting that happen.

Strike Three: She talks about the type of man she is attracted to knowing that what and who she describes in no way matches the the man that's wooing her.

Now there might be other types of strikes and the man has to read what they are at that time. The confusing part to us men is that the level of interest the woman might have in the man might not be obvious. One might have to read a little between the lines. Or listen very carefully. One thing I've heard though, is that when the man stops wooing the woman, the woman tends to want to keep the game going. Trying to lead the man to believe that a chance still exists. But after the man experiences Three Strikes, he should be smart enough to know that any further action on his part will end with the same rejection and he'd be wasting his time and emotion on someone that does not share his feelings. So the Three Strike Rule might be used as a guideline to determine how far the man might want to extend his emotion.

As this is a response to Traci's post, I think I would like to state what a man might want from a woman if she is interested in him. Remember that the ten responses below, assume that the man is a gentleman who possesses a strong character and respect for women. He is not the run of the mill player. There's a whole other set of rules for those men. Probably a good follow up post to this one. Let me know in a comment if you'd like my opinion on the "Men Who Hunt In Bars"

1. Remember that a man has feelings. Especially the men that respect women.
   
   
2. If all a woman is looking for is a roll in the hay, and the man she cares to roll with has shown himself to be a gentleman, she better take the reigns and let him know what she wants. At least until he's sure he won't be crossing a line of inappropriateness. Because a gentleman is not going to put the moves on a woman unless he knows that's what she wants!
   
   
3. If a man has made it obvious that he is interested in the woman, and she is interested in him, than she should reciprocate his actions by returning the same to him. Example: take his hand when walking, or grab his arm and walk close to him, walk up behind him and massage his back. Or just put your arms around him and hold him for a quality minute.
   
   
4. Tell him how you feel! Whether it's what he wants to hear or not! Frankly this should go for the man as well.
   
   COMMUNICATION! Without it, you might as well hang it up before you "commence to begin to start".
   
   
5. Call him, email him, text him. If he is truly interested in you, and not a player, he will welcome all of the above, as often as you can provide it. He'll want to know how your day went and what you did and everything else about you. If you call, he will welcome the sound of your voice and want to see you all the more. And don't forget to ask him how his day went.
   
   
6. Surprise him by coming to his house with intentions of spending the night!
   
   
7. Surprise him when he visits your house by dressing up a bit. Just for him!
   
   
8. Know his likes and dislikes. Hopefully they will be similar, or at least complimentary to yours.
   
   
9. Include him in your activities with friends as he should with you.
   
   
10. Show him that you are happy and excited to see him, to be with him, to hear from him and to be seen with him!
    

The Game Of Non-Pursuit

Relationships can mean anything from a chance encounter and conversation over coffee at the local coffee shop, or having a drink at the bar and getting to know the bartender (male or female depending on the gender of my reader) better than a close friend, to a long term happy marriage or one that went sour. Every contact you make, has some level of relationship to it. The length, depth and emotional involvement all have to do with the level of interest.

The level of interest is measured by mutual degrees of action. Whether just talking, talking about things not discussed with others, holding hands, caresses, a soft kiss, a massage, a foot rub. May all be indicators of the degree of interest one may have in someone. The acceptance of such activities by the other indicate some degree of interest, but the return of such activities to the other is a sure sign that something is happening between the two people.

But when they are accepted by the receiver in a fashion that indicates pleasure and enjoyment, but are still not returned, the giver is falsely led to believe that those actions are acceptable but leaves the giver with an empty feeling. So if any or all of the activities are accepted but not returned, it should indicate that no interest exists from the receiver and therefore there is no reason to pursue a more than casual relationship. It could be considered a less than tolerable action by some, but it is better than a slap in the face. The reasons for acceptance without reciprocation may vary. Ranging from having nothing in common with the giver but selfishly enjoying the attention (this would be playing with the giver's feelings), a fear of moving up the relationship level ladder, the giver is just not the type that the receiver is attracted to but again still enjoys the attention, is holding back due to some past relationship failure or is holding back due to a current relationship. There are numerous other reasons. And the giver must be prepared for whatever good or bad occurs due to the giver's actions. Sometimes that's easier said than done. Mostly dependent on the level of interest the giver has in the receiver.

The rules of relationships, or the game of pursuit may be second nature to those who have been "on the prowl" for a lengthy period of time. But there are those, regardless of age, who are still learning to "play the game" or figuring out the rules. I know for a fact that I'm one that's new to the game. And have been guilty at not recognizing the signs. But my father once told me that of all things he could credit me with, persistence would be my strongest attribute. And so, I tend to be persistent to a fault. After all, if you want something bad enough, you might have to work hard to get it right?

With my epiphany of late, I realize that by today's standards, pursuit tends to be looked at in one of two ways. First it may be considered a weakness on the part of the pursuer, or it can be looked at as inappropriate behavior! I believe neither to be correct and I think if one is willing to pursue another in an honest and meaningful fashion, then the "pursued" should feel quite honored. But alas, we are in the 21st century and times have greatly changed.

I guess its best, that in order to compete in the game, you must play the game by the new rules of Non-Pursuit. The problem with the game, is that if everyone played by the same rules, male and female, there would be nothing other than casual relationships. Because the "game of pursuit" would be seen as a negative trait regardless of gender and the game of non-pursuit leads to nowhere. So where does the game go from there? How do relationships build from casual to meaningful?

Regardless of what I've written in this post, I am a die hard old schooler that believes in romance and affection. And if signs of affection are negatively accepted in the 21st century and pursuing is considered weakness or inappropriate behavior, then the world has truly gone to hell and the Golden Rule makes no sense.

The Fork In The Road

A few posts ago, I mentioned something about being in a bad place and that it must have had something to do with the way the stars were aligned or something. I didn't know at that time how true the statement might have been.

As it turns out, two years ago this week began a change in my world as I then knew it. It was the week my then wife decided to move out of our house. It was a traumatic time for me, filled with immense emotional despair, disbelief, hurt, dishonesty and of course the realization that I was going to be alone. Though I know this same thing has happened to many married couples, I was not believing that it was happening to our marriage. It began a long process of personal reflection and mourning. Enough said about the then.

Now, two years later, the fog has finally cleared and I find myself at a fork in the road of life. The road leading left will take me in nothing more than a circle. The road leading right will move me forward and on to better, happier days filled with new friends, experiences and the pleasures of life one expects. Today I have turned right! And I am planning a journey that will exceed my previous dreams and expectations.

For those of you who have known me in the past, beware. I may seem a bit different. You may like the new me, or you may hate the new me. The fact is, I was once a very confident individual. I lost that somehow over the past couple years. But this week it returned and that is the me that I am. Though it's raining outside today, the sun shines for me. Because I have finally come to grips with my emotions and have won the battle. I may seem a little colder to some, and a little smarter to others but most of all I see things a whole lot clearer.

So look out world, the me that has been locked up inside has emerged.

If You Got Money, We Can Talk! Else, bye!

I just finished having a conversation with a friend of mine. I'll call him MN. A while ago, he was torn apart by a women he loved that took him for just about everything he had. In fact he had to file bankruptcy and lost his house. I knew the woman as well. At least I thought I did until she did this man the way she did. After that he swore off women for quite a while, and he was having a bad time of it. I hadn't talked to him in a while, but today he filled me in on how he's handled his loneliness.

Money! He now doesn't even consider talking to a woman unless she has money and is willing to spend it on him. He says "I'm tired of being taken advantage of and figure it's my turn!" He says "I'm done looking for love and relationship. All I want, is to have a woman who's willing to take ME out, buy ME clothes. Keep them wanting ME to live with them!" Which he says he's never going to do again. He just keeps these women, and there's a few in his corral, believing that he will eventually. He has no emotional attachment to any of them and could care less if any of them dumped him. He's says he has old women, fat women, good looking women and not so good looking women. He's say's "It Don't Matter To Me!" I've never seen this man happier! I called him a WHORE! And he laughed and said better to be the whore than pay for one! God! That almost makes sense!

Frankly, I was a bit taken back by this conversation. I've known this man for almost 7 years. We've talked many times about a lot of different things. He's confided in me. He's cried at my house when things went sour with the last woman he was with when I knew him. He was a genuine Good Ol' Boy with feelings and a heart of gold. Yet the man I was having a conversation with turned ugly and cold. But he was happy!

Is that what it takes to be happy these days? You have to be ugly and cold? You need to get over on people? Take advantage of a person when they're down? I don't ever want to get to the state of mind where I'm purposely looking for a woman to take advantage of. I look around at all the dishonesty that I deal with every day and I just can't bring myself to be part of it.

And then it hit me! Women have been doing that very same thing to men for years! I've had it happen to me and didn't realize it when it was happening. MN is just giving back what he has received! Maybe I should give this a little more thought. NO NO NO NO! I can not be that type of person!

What happened to relationships for love and being part of someone's life and them part of yours? It seems, at least the women I currently talk to, are at least outwardly happy to go about their lives surrounded by friends and acquaintances, whom they say they love and are loved back by. But that's not true love. That's just a way of making a person feel just a bit more special then an acquaintance.

I'm thinking...... Show me the money?

Nope. Can't do it. Won't do it. It's better to be unhappy for what might have been done to me, than to live with the guilt of taking advantage of someone else.

Am I totally out of my mind? Does anyone agree with me?

I Have No Followers

Apparently I have nothing to say that's worth reading. My one and only dear follower, colleague, partner in crime and real estate has abandoned me and no new followers have appeared. OK She's back. And to add to this post, I don't know what the problem is but I was able to add myself as a follower by clicking on the link at the top of page.